Hide and Seek

"I am trying to remember who I am,

More importantly, my inner child.

She—

She remains a mystery.

Why don't I remember my childhood?

My intuition tells me this isn't good.

Who hurt you?

There was the boy...

Which one?

Nevermind.

And there it goes once again.

Avoidance, of what?

I was never allowed to show emotion,

Or I'd be called soft.

Calling me that shit now makes me pop off.

Why was I so depressed?

Who did this to me?

I was a child.

I behaved as a child.

I was *their* child.

Familial arguments, toxic conversations—

I'm mature for my age;

My mom comes to me for advice.

I was just a kid.

She was just a kid.

So a kid had a kid and they grew together,

Boundaries blurry between giving advice and being disrespectful.

Two adults except when everyone else was around.

I was a kid and she was a kid.

Maybe the reason why we have so much fun together is because

Our inner children feel secure enough to emerge, just to be lost again.

But these are the blues of a hurt kid raising a kid,

All while breaking generational curses.

My inner child hid from me

Because I craved safety so bad,

I built a fortress even I couldn't be in.

Before I could run and get an apology from the family,

I had to apologize to me.

You were a kid.

You behaved as a kid.

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to want to be silly,

To enjoy the trivial things of life.

You are safe.

You are loved.

You are happy.

You are abundant and prosperous.

You are me—

I am you, and I am so glad I found you.